Posted by Zachary_Little on February 16th, 2010 | 0 comments
Whenever we fail to produce an AFO for some reason, I have endeavored to bring you the weeks news in some other format, because hey why not, and sometimes people read it. So last week there was apparently some kind of editing disaster and the episode died. We made the AFO blastocyst, but Jory aborted it. So that’s on his conscience. And okay, it’s Tuesday now, so it’s not last week anymore, but it was a holiday weekend. So what happened last/this week.
Google launched “Google Buzz” which is apparently another social networking thing, and we all need more of that right? Seriously, my chances of getting a job doing anything anywhere are pretty much ruined by the sort of insane shit I write on the internet on a daily basis. Every time I get a chance I say something stupid. I’m like John Mayer, without the casual racism. And I’d really rather Google not know anything else about me. I Google-Imaged Searched Robert Pattinson once, and now it auto-fills in his name when I type in “R.” How am I supposed to explain that to people? Once search! Okay, well it was five separate searches, but that still seems unwarranted to me.
And also the Olympics are apparently happening. I don’t have cable or anything, so I really have no idea. I heard that a guy died, and they showed it on TV a bunch, so that was really classy of them. I don’t have TV for a reason. I sound really self-righteous and all but the reason is not that TV is vulgar and exploitative. I actually usually like vulgar exploitation. I am glad I did not see a guy die. But I don’t have TV because I’m broke.
Posted by Zachary_Little on January 31st, 2010 | 0 comments
So, first of all RIP JD Salinger. I’ve been meaning to go back and read The Catcher in the Rye because as a child I think some people overestimated my reading comprehension – I was able to understand the basic plot of many novels above my grade level but at the time I didn’t realize they were not supposed to be about plot anymore – and I will probably do that soon. After I read Twilight, obviously. So Dave Eggers wrote an obit for the New Yorker, and I didn’t read it because I have this thing where I hate Dave Eggers and the goodwill engendered by Where The Wild Things Are has yet to completely cure me of it. But I did read this, and it was great.
Why aren’t conservatives funny? I’ve wondered about that for a while myself. I think this guy has hit upon a few answers. I wish a few of the YouTube trolls who keep showing up on the comment boards would read this shit. I’m looking at you, MalesCantMarryMales!
This week I came across a message board for White Supremacists, and it’s pretty great. Here’s my favoritethreecomments so far, which you can click through and go to the site itself if you wish.
And also this:
Part of me feels like, if you haven’t actually seen WTWTA yet (and my wife and I are the ONLY PEOPLE I know who actually have seen it), then you shouldn’t watch this. But it’s really too funny, even still. Just put this out of your mind when you finally see it.
Posted by Zachary_Little on December 13th, 2009 | 1 comment
So obviously, no AFO, because of what I said last week about the scheduling problems, but guess what? I think there is going to be a special of some kind, which involves the holidays, which will be a sort of HOLIDAY SPECIAL coming soon. So what we said about no more episodes this year was totally a lie.
But what happened this week, anyway?
First of all, Glenn Beck’s Christmas Sweater Simulcast happened. That might have been last week, who even knows? I don’t know anyone who went to see it, except for whoever these guys are. Obviously I have articulated my problems with Glenn Beck many times before, and this just sounds like everything I hate about him multiplied by UGH. On a big screen. No comment. Read it and weep, but weep because you are actually sad, not because you are forcing yourself to cry like a four-year-old at a department store like Glenn Beck does.
Also this week, there was a very interesting explanation of a line from “Empire State of Mind,” by the always great Jay-Z. Did you ever watch the Sopranos? I watched the whole series two years or so ago, and recently I’ve seen a few episodes again. Once you’ve been all the way through, the business of organized crime makes a lot more sense, and so people say things you’ve heard them say before, but suddenly the finer-points of a bust-out make sense to you. And then you understand that there are whole spheres of existence that are totally common to people unlike you which are totally foreign to people like you– and that little glimpse is thrilling. This is a big world we’re living in! Heavy!
For some reason I was wondering this week if any bailiffs blogged, so I searched “bailiff blog” and found this. Nothing to do with the courts, but eye-opening nonetheless. Warning: what has been seen cannot be unseen!
Oh, and if you believe Politico, and you probably shouldn’t, something like 44% of people want George Bush to be President again. I think the problem is they didn’t specify, you know, what organization they wanted him to be the President of. Rotary club, maybe? He can have that. I’m comfortable with this poll, in that case. People must have meant Rotary Club, right?
And this Copenhagen thing is going on, but I could really give a shit about the Swedes.
On the bright side, a new poster for IRON MAN 2 came out (me=wicked fucking excited) and it has WAR MACHINE ON IT! FUCK YEAH WAR MACHINE! I honestly have to give War Machine some credit for making me not racist. I’m from New Hampshire, and he was like the first black man I ever met. Honestly.
There was a big buyout at the NYT Metro section, and trend-writer Jenny 8. Lee peaced the fuck out. The point is, there is a person out there whose middle name is 8! And we’re all really going to miss those trend pieces (no we are not).
Here is a video that made me laugh uncontrollably at the library this week. Just watch it. Just do it now.
And then there was this. I have no idea what this is about. I mean, I do. But what could this ad possibly accomplish? Do you believe for a second that there are people out there who oppose Obama’s health care plan who have not come forward with their discontent? A lot of people don’t like this plan! And, even if there were people out there who were holding back their dissent for fear of being called racist, isn’t it fairly likely their interests are already represented by the loud opposition in Congress? So what are we left with? Are they taking back the word “racist”? Taking it back from where? So many questions posed by this video. Also, it is ridiculous.
I got a lot of love for Ron Livingston (Office Space, Band of Brothers) but he needs to understand how the internet works. Basically, he is suing a guy for asserting on Wikipedia that Livingston is gay. We all need to take a note from Ricky Martin here, who always refused to address questions about his sexual orientation. He didn’t get all weird and defensive when people accused him of being gay, because he didn’t treat it like it was something accusatory. You can’t buy class, and Ricky Martin has class. Except for some reason in my head I picture him as Eric Bana.
Posted by Zachary_Little on November 26th, 2009 | 1 comment
Okay, so I don’t know much about it, because ha ha ha, who watches the AMAs? What are they, even? Anyway I read that CBS defended the decision to show Madonna and Britney’s kiss unblurred and Adam Lambert and his keyboardist’s kiss blurred by saying that the Madonna/Britney image was one people are familiar with. Okay, sure. That sounds defensible. What is obscene? I know it when I see it, unless I’ve seen it a bunch of times before, in which case it isn’t obscene anymore. Okay, Justice CBS. I’m going to write a dissenting opinion. You know, a lot of people are familiar with that scene in the Godfather where Michael shoots the cop in the head. Does that make it less violent? A lot of people are familiar with the “This is what happens, Larry” scene in The Big Lebowski, so can we cut it out with this “stranger in the alps” nonsense? You see what I’m saying? I’m not saying the kiss actually WAS obscene, I’m just saying the CBS position is untenable. People are ridiculous.
Anyway, it seemed like a good idea to bring this video up again.
Posted by Zachary_Little on October 18th, 2009 | 0 comments
Obviously, there was no AFO this week. Well, there sort of was. You might have seen me, and a curtain, for a second there. But we needed a week off, a week to blow up some balloons and not contemplate that madness that is, you know, EVERYTHING.
It is possible, however, that without our award-winning reportage– okay, well we have never won an award for reportage, so let’s deputize that adjective into a gerund and make that “our award-winning and reportage”– you might have missed a few things. So what happened this week?
This was the week where everyone was very weird. The Heene Family? Those guys are very weird. I’m not even going to link you to the “pussification” video, because you have seen it already. And those guys don’t deserve the traffic. I’m all for people being to raise their kids however they want, even if that means driving into tornadoes in your makeshift Dolorean and making rap videos where you smear your own kids with fake excrement. Wait, nevermind. I’m not all for people being able to raise their kids however they want. I am all against that.
Then there was a guy who tried to kill a dog with a hammer and a machete and FAILED at killing the dog. So much of that sentence was unexpected, wasn’t it? Read all about it.
One of the basic fundamentals of Journalism is that DOG BITES MAN is the typical non-newsworthy story. A dog bites a guy? What do I care? I got kids, man. Why you wasting my time with this? However, MAN BITES DOG is totes newsworthy, as the kids say. I know, the kids do not say “newsworthy” they say “hip” or “jive,” but I’m Old School. The point is, people see MAN BITES DOG and they want to buy your paper. A man bit a damn dog? What? Gimme that paper! I want to read about that! And then advertisers are happy and print journalism is saved. So I’m glad this guy was doing his part. MAN TRIES TO KILL DOG WITH HAMMER AND MACHETE AND DOES NOT SUCCEED on the front page of the New York Times is going to keep a lot of people from getting laid off this year. This guy may be a total moron, but he saved Christmas, no way around it.
Slate Editor Jacob Weisberg is causing a ruckus, calling for journalists to ignore Fox News because they are oh so very biased. Old news, right? Did you hear about this, though? Fox got caught passing off a GOP press release as an original news story. That is not necessarily evidence of a bias, of course. It’s more like evidence of being lazy. Why write your own segment when there is one just sitting there? (It could have been any press release, though I doubt the Dems even bother sending their to Fox.) The bias was probably an afterthought. People are lazy. Like, one time I got a pizza, and I couldn’t eat the whole thing, so I just opened my window and put the box outside. It was winter. Just like a fridge, right? Then a squirrel ate my pizza.
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE CAME OUT! Reactions seem to be mixed. It seems like a lot of high-brow types (looking at YOU, Slate) are angry that the movie is not more like a book. It’s too long, they say. An hour and a half? It should be more like 39 pages! For the record, critics, making a book out of a movie does not cause the original book to no longer exist. I haven’t seen it yet, I am going tomorrow. As I have previously stated, I fully expect to be literally killed by this movie and to die in the theater. It was nice knowing all of you.
Speaking of grumps– Troy Patterson at Slate got all angry about Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin slapping Jay Leno around on Thursday night. You’re calling 30 Rock smug and elitist? Tracy Morgan is elitist? Matthew Broderick and Alec Baldwin getting sprayed with a chemical that makes you gay is elitist? I think the lesson we should learn from this is that Tina Fey is ballsier than any of us will ever be. Start coming to terms with that, gentlemen. Also are you following Tracy Morgan on Twitter yet?
I carry a bit of a torch for actor Chris Messina. That’s what she said, no homo, for real. The guy can act like he is really good at acting. He just got cast as the lead in a new movie called “Devil.” Win all around! Everybody share a high-five! OH BUT WAIT IT’S BEING WRITTEN BY M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN. I take back the win. Chris Messina is a good enough actor to survive this, I think. If Zooey Deschanel did, so can he.
Health care stuff continued to happen. I hesitate to say I am bored with all of this, because I worry my insurance provider will find out and drop me for having a pre-existing condition (proclivity toward boredom). That joke was lazy. This isn’t the Fox newsroom over here! Call back!
Chris Brown and Falcon Heene walk into a bar. Chris Brown punches a woman in the face, but it’s okay because it was all a stunt to promote a reality show. Then Falcon Heene vomits all over everything.
Finally this week, Butterfinger rolled out the next phase of its viral marketing campaign. It’s a pretty effective ad. Take a look:
That baby better not have laid a finger on Seth Green’s Butterfinger!
Makes you just CRAVE that buttery, chocolaty goodness, doesn’t it?
