It’s Monday

And I am avoiding doing some real work, so I thought I’d post two clips from old episodes of RIGHTEOUS TV, in case you haven’t seen them.
Also in case you did not know, Righteous TV was a show that Jory and I created with Ryan and Christi Perkins, who would later become Christi Little when she married me. It was high school, and we actually did it as a class, like, we got credit for it. For three years. My senior year I had three hours of “Righteous Television Class” a day.

Okay, Maybe it wasn’t three hours, but it is my senior year of college now and I have three hours of Legislative Behavior next semester and sitting in a closet with a computer editing sketches sounds pretty good doesn’t it? Hindsight is not 20/20, it is 20/Golden. Where you can see everything but it seems like it is covered in gold. That is what hindsight is. Anyway, here is one of my favorite sketches.

Josh joined the show in our third season as a full cast member, with his name in the credits and everything. It seemed like a big deal at the time.

I remember being terrified about the sound when we shot this, because it was very windy. So actually this sketch is a hybrid of the sound from the location and audio recorded after the fact, something that professionals have a word for. AVR? I think that is the word. The point is we disguised it really well in this episode. I got so used to dubbing in audio that I made a version of the Medorafloracontin 27b sketch with my voice substituted for Jory’s. It was creepy but seemed kind of egotistical, so I never did anything with it. Anyway, whenever I think about this sketch I think about Josh standing in the little alley behind the TV studio screaming in different ways.

And here’s another thing:

This was from later, when we all were in college and produced a few Latter-Day RTV episodes for fun. That dance has just always made me laugh. The jokes barely make sense now, that campaign was kind of forgettable. But still, I mean, I wrote a goddamned song.

Okay, so that is your monday viewing!

Guess What?

New stuff coming, which I am writing right now, in my brain. So if I’m doing work, you should too. Homework! Watch this:

That assignment was too easy. Write an essay on it! On my desk, Monday. Okay?

Someone Wrote This For Real

Guess what everyone? Last year Jory and Ryan and I pretended that Rambo Five [sketch is below] was going to happen. And now it is. Someday people are going to come across old RTV episodes and be like, “Where are the jokes? This is listed under comedy,” because EVERYTHING WILL HAVE COME TRUE. /Film has the plot details, and they are amazing. Try to imagine a paragraph where each sentence manages to out-crazy the last, and think about how long you could carry that on. And then read this:

“A beast is loose somewhere north of the Arctic Circle…And the raging creature is headed south toward civilization, ready to wreak bloody devastation…It’s a job that Rambo and his 22-year-old hunting partner, Beau Brady, can’t turn down, but they and a team of highly skilled Special Forces Kill Team [sic] discover that the prey is beyond their wildest imagination, a half-human abomination created by a renegade agency through a series of outlawed genetic experiments…they’ll still have to confront the grim reality that it may have grown immortal.”

The grim reality, indeed! That is four sentences, sort of! There is some questionable punctuation happening there, and of course, there is a team of highly skilled Special Forces Kill Team because I don’t know how they could have got the green light without it.

An older version of the plot synopsis involved “brilliantly instinctual killer soldiers that have no qualms about taking life. And when things go wrong, Rambo is brought in with a Black Ops squad to hunt, capture and kill these chemically engineered creations.”

Had I seen that latter plot synopsis before the former (newer) one, I would have thought, “Yeah, well, can’t get any more insane-retarded than that!” But I would have been wrong. You can always get more insane-retarded.

I’ve taken the liberty of punching up this plot synopsis. Stallone, you can have this stuff if you want it. Free ideas!

“A two-headed, three-brained beast is loose somewhere north of the Arctic Circle, in the region scientists refer to as the “Death-Freeze Zone,” because sometimes you just walk into an air pocket so cold that you freeze so hard you explode. And the raging, 50-foot-tall creature is headed south with a vengeance toward civilization, ready to wreak bloody devastation. It’s a job that Rambo and his 22-year-old hunting partner, (Ram)Beau(2) Brady, can’t turn down, but they and a team of highly skilled, superspeed2000 mech-suit-wearing Special Forces Kill Team [sic] discover that the prey is beyond their wildest imagination, a half-human, half-tiger, half-monster, quarter-eskimo abomination of death and fear created by a renegade agency through a series of outlawed and bloodily devastating genetic experiments…they’ll still have to confront the grim, bloody, superspeed2000 reality that it may have grown immortal and guess what? It’s angry.”

Okay, let’s Christmas-Tree this synopsis. Pretend you are a congressman, and rewrite the synopsis. You can start from the original or work from mine. Jory, I am looking at you.

THE LESSER ENTRIES OF THE RTV CANNON

This interface is a little, uh, horrible, but apparently this is how you embed YouTube playlists. Anybody know a better way?

Okay. So you probably know that Jory, Josh, Ryan and I were once involved in a show called RIGHTEOUS TELEVISION. Maybe you don’t, that’s OKAY. One day we will probably start airing the best material on the AFP channel.

However, we probably won’t be airing these. Why? They are just sort of minor works in the cannon. Like how everybody reads MOBY DICK but nobody reads BILLY BUDD (except for AJ Soprano).

So next time you are bored (obviously I am, since I just REFUSE TO STOP BLOGGING). Watch a few of these suckers, because they will probably make you laugh, and we usually forget we even made them.

There is a lot of old stuff about RTV here. Or you can be patient.

Okay everybody– that’s it. I’m going to get away from this website for a few seconds. Except to say that THIS is really funny, and so is THIS.